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[thantagonist]

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[badlydisarmed]

It just feels like common sense. You meet a guy named Mordimort or Vorgelord or Sephiroth, you're not gonna think they work at a doggy rescue.

Get a taser, take a bot with you. The bot won't protect you, but it can ring an alarm for you.

[thantagonist]

He says he can die and revive at will. My sense of what’s real and not real has been utterly shattered as of late which is an incredibly irritating position to be in. Unicorns? Real. Psychic powers? Also real. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, there’s no upper limit for absurdity, and we’re still in the category of things I have names for.

“Get” a taser? So you didn’t have one for me, it’s just an idea?

[badlydisarmed]

Everything is real and if you want to keep yourself from snapping you gotta stop thinking so hard about it.

There was a talking mammoth around for a while. And I'll get you the taser, just relax.

[thantagonist]

Speaking of relaxing and stopping thought, you owe me a prescription, Romano. I sweated and wretched up every last drop of liquid and every trace of chemical from my body two days ago like we agreed.

[badlydisarmed]

Fair, yeah. I'll give you meds and a stupid taser.

Please stop antagonizing people with evil-sounding names. I bet the guy looks evil too.

[thantagonist]

I didn’t antagonize him.

I had plans to antagonize him.

[Plans he might be rethinking. ]

[badlydisarmed]

I understand the urge, that's how I befrenemied Joss.

But it's almost always a bad idea, especially here where you can't throw any popcorn without hitting some god-like asshole.

[thantagonist]

Who is Joss? [He can figure out befrenemy easily enough.]

I don’t understand why there are villains here. Or not jailed. Are they too powerful to contain… Or not problematic enough to organize an effort?

[badlydisarmed]

My frenemy and newest band member. He's some godlike figure who took issue with me betraying a dictator. Long story.

Anyway, the supervillains haven't actually done anything to merit trying to jail them. Apparently we did have someone who ate people, but he was gone by the time I showed up.

[thantagonist]

Don’t tempt me with a long story, Romano. I might actually make you tell it.

You’re in a band? Are you any good?

Can they even be called villains at all, then? It sounds like everyone just doesn’t like them then.

cw: cannibalism mention

[badlydisarmed]

Yeah, if someone committed genocide or was an evil ruler, they're still villains even if they're not currently doing evil things.

I'm competent.

I don't even know the whole story, I just know someone served people at a party.

[thantagonist]

I’ve got a joke about a cannibal. Would you like to hear it?

[badlydisarmed]

I'm going to regret this immediately, but sure.

[thantagonist]

What did the cannibal get when he was late to dinner?

[badlydisarmed]

Death stares?

[thantagonist]

A cold shoulder!

Pretty good, right?

[badlydisarmed]

How are you good at convincing people to do things?

[thantagonist]

I’ve got another one.

[badlydisarmed]

Sure. Okay. Hit me.

[thantagonist]

What do you call a person who measures their face with a ruler?

[badlydisarmed]

I don't know. What do you call a person who measures their face with a ruler?

[thantagonist]

A hypocrite!

[It doesn’t work in English.]

[badlydisarmed]

... what? Why?

[thantagonist]

Must I explain? A hypocrite is a face changer, like in a play at the theater when someone uses a new mask to show a new character. So maybe you need to measure to get a new mask, and then “hypocite” and “ruler” sound very alike. Do you not get it?

[badlydisarmed]

You're speaking Russian but I'm not hearing Russian.